Why is it so difficult to listen to God?  I don't mean it's difficult to hear what it is He is saying...to understand it.  I mean once I have 'decoded the static' and the actions I am to carry out are clear...it becomes increasingly difficult to push play.  I am a disobedient child.  I do not find pleasure in interpreting this action of mine in my head.  I clearly hear what it is I am to do...and in my infinite stubborness I can hear myself saying, "no..i must have heard that wrong." or "I don't know if I should because..." 

Do I really think that my Father in his infinite wisdom does not know what He is doing?  Do I really think He does not have my best interests at heart?  WHAT AM I DOING??!?!?  Thoughts like this make me sick to my stomach.  Perhaps it is my lack of courage...if that is the case...then why can't I just use His courage?  I am tired of trying to tell myself that I can handle my own life.  I CAN'T!  I am desperatly trying to live this life for You.  I can't even make that decision on my own. 

I hate being human.

  Let me just start by saying...Thank you Lord.  There were several areas of my life that were falling short of what I am called to do....called to be.  I see now why changes...(and drastic ones at that) needed to be made.

My church is in trouble.  I have been anticipating this since Garrett first left.  I have simply been sitting back waiting to see it hit the fan...while at the same time praying that it wouldn't.  Unfortunately...it has.  It has really been lying dormant for months while growing stronger every day.  We don't like to look problems with the church directly in the eye.  They frighten us...intimidate us...and at the same time make us feel helpless and ashamed.  This is sad...very sad.  I think that I speak for several people within the Shack when I say that I have never ever wanted to be a part of the stereotypical church that 'hides problems under the rug and puts on a happy face'.  We are human....we mess up.  By no means do we have anything figured out...nor will we ever.  But when we don't address them and/or ignore them..we are sinning. 

Somewhere along the way the meaning and representation of love has been grossly misconstrued.  Why?  Is it society that has told us to cover love with a blanket of sarcasm?  To publicly and purposefully humiliate our brothers and sisters through Christ?  Why is this what we have become?  And who is to blame?  Is it our society, the campus around us, or perhaps...is it something within ourselves?  One thing is certain-we need to figure this out in order to repair it ASAP. 

A few things this particular situation has brought to light in my mind:  (1) I understand now exactly how much my behavior as a leader in the church influences others' actions and opinions.  (2) Men of the Shack-you are all so appreciated and cherished as a strong part of this ministry.  We all look up to you hold each of you in the highest regard.  And I personally can not apologize enough if our actions and/or words have fallen short of anything less than that.  My prayer is that you take confidence and hold fast in knowing that you are all princes of the king and are held above most in the eyes of us women.

Lord we all need you.  Your children...we are crying, we are hurting.  I know you hear us...and I know what you want me to do....

I'm stepping up.

Please Lord be with her.  Clothe her in your strength and more importantly..your love.  It is infinite and more powerful than we can imagine.  Show her that.  Drown her in it.  She needs you now more than ever.  Protect your daughter from fear, from judgement, from worry.  Drape her in dignity and ignite her spirit.  She is in your hands.  And I ask that she remain there...that she get comfy.

We love her.

And so do you.